My Dog’s Plan of the Day
By: Garland Davis
I wrote this four or five years ago about a dog who was my best friend. He is no longer with us, but I like to think that his spirit walks with another dog and me each morning.
0400-Hold reveille on the Guy so he can guzzle four cups of that foul smelling coffee before taking him for his morning walk.
NOTE: Best way to hold reveille is to jump on his bed and place your nose about a half inch from his. The minute he opens his eyes start licking like crazy. Drives him nuts. END NOTE
0405-Take before walk Nap.
0530-Stretch and start reminding the Guy that it is almost time for his walk. Do this by sitting and staring at him and periodically move closer to him.
0600-Take the Guy for walk
0605-Go back to the house. The Guy forgot the pick-up-crap bags.
0610- Resume interrupted walk and begin the search for anything that smells like it needs to be pissed on.
0630-Take a crap and wrap the leash around the Guy’s legs while he is trying to pick it up.
0635-Go the route you have decided upon. Disregard the Guy’s input.
0710-Return home. Sniff the butt of the other dog in the house. She may have come into heat.
0731-Have the other dog’s breakfast. If you snooze you lose.
0731-Lick the places where that bitch bit me. Lick my dick while I am at it.
0732-Drink water. Dribble it all over the hardwood floors.
0735-Take after breakfast nap.
0900- Get up turn around and settle down for before lunch nap. Take this nap under his desk while he tries to write. Pass gas when necessary.
1100-Remind the Guy that it is time for Doggie Treat Lunch. Eat
1119-Go out in the yard and whiz. Check the other dog again. Could heat up any minute. Ever vigilant.
1130-Take after lunch nap.
1430-Take the Guy for his afternoon walk.
1445-Take before dinner nap.
1700-Dinner. Don’t eat. That drives the Guy crazy.
1715-Take after dinner nap.
1800- Sit and stare at the guy for fifteen minutes. He goes insane trying to figure what I want. He finally offers me cheese. That’s what I wanted.
1900-Take the Guy for his evening walk.
1915-Take after evening walk nap.
2000-Play with the Guy. Even if he doesn’t want to.
2015-Do the sit and stare thing again. More cheese.
2030-Taps. It has been a rough day.
A native of North Carolina, Garland Davis has lived in Hawaii since 1987. He always had a penchant for writing but did not seriously pursue it until recently. He is a graduate of Hawaii Pacific University, where he majored in Business Management. Garland is a thirty-year Navy retiree and service-connected Disabled Veteran.