Angels E-Mail

By: Garland Davis

E-Mail

From: stpeter@thegate.com

To: gabriel@archangel.com

Subj: Entrance Policy

Hey Gabe, you gotta talk to the boss.

I know talking to all those open border socialists from Boston and San Francisco has made him rethink the concepts of heaven and hell. But since he opened the gates between us and them this place has literally been going to hell. The immigrants say they are cold and have started breaking the harps up to build fires and they keep poking the Seraphim with their pitchforks. Like I said, “going to hell!”

And giving in to all the pet owners and opening the gate to lesser creatures so they could have their doggies and kitties has become a disaster. We have serpents, water snakes in the fountains, frogs, and lizards crawling all over the streets. We have ants in the manna and sugar, stray dogs crapping in the streets, and feral cats digging up the flower beds. The bats are scaring the crap out of the winged angels. The Loch Ness Monster is ailing. I don’t know where we’ll put that big green asshole when it gets here

But the real disaster is the cockroaches. We are being overrun by fuckin’ cockroaches.

Gabe, you got to do something.

Pete