Monkey On a Stick

By Robert “Okie Bob” Layton

After watching a YouTube clip, about a woman visiting a zoo, and a monkey throwing poo on her. It got me thinking about all the monkeys I have seen around the world.

I saw my first monkeys growing up here in rural Oklahoma; believe it or not, my next door neighbor had a little rhesus monkey he had rigged up with a collar and a little chain, attached to a clothes line. That the little monkey would run up and down on that clothesline.

My Friend Dennis Crawford and myself would go over and throw things at it and get it to screaming, then haul ass.

Old man Roskey would come out yelling at us kids and we would get our kicks in for the day.

Seems as I grow older monkeys have always occurred some place in my life.

In college before joining the Navy we had some Monkeys in the town Zoo.

My first liberty in Boot camp was spent going to the San Diego Zoo and looking at the Monkeys!

I have seen Monkeys from Japan, Hawaii [Pearl City Tavern], Hong Kong, Egypt, Kenya, Thailand, Singapore, Taiwan, Guam, Okinawa, Italy, France, Spain, Greece, Australia, and the Philippines.

Even the language of monkey has permeated my speech think about it?

Things like, Fine Monkey shit, Monkey meat, Monkeys Fist, Monkeys Paw, Monkey around, Monkey Business, Barrel of Monkeys, Brass Monkey, Monkey on your back, Monkey fu%#*ng a football, Monkey Bar, Monkey Bite, Monkey Shine, Hell here in Oklahoma we call a person who sits on the porch and watches the neighbors a “Porch Monkey!”

My chosen occupation in the Navy was to be a “Grease Monkey”.

My favorite TV show is “Gas Monkey”.

My best dance is the “Monkey”, I even like the 60’s Band “The Monkees”

My wife says monkeys make her happy!

I’m just one contented “Monkey’s butt!”

What does all that have to do about a sea story you ask?

Well this here no shit sea story was passed on to me from one Charles “Chuck” Moulzolf AFCM retired.

Moe was on the Oriskany [VAQ-130 Det-3] with me [VF-194] in 1971 and later on as CPO’s in 1982-85 VT-26 Beeville where he related this story to me at, It goes like this:

Time 1971

Place NAS Cubi Point Philippines

VAQ-130 Det-3 USS Oriskany in port Cubi pier

We were getting near the end of the cruise. It was Time for the old corrosion control inspection for the Air wing “CAG-19.” We had our EKA3B Whale sitting on the ramp while the Det pored over it, cleaning and shining her up.

Over by the edge of the ramp sat the AT’s AQ’s and AE’s “Twidgets” just a sitting with their little black boxes, removed from the aircraft and with tooth brushes and acid brushes in hand, cleaning the faces, knobs, and lettering.

When— out of the nearby jungle, emerged the local tribe of long-tailed macaque monkeys.

Everyone was pretty well hung over and didn’t feel like messing with them and since the Twidgets had squatted down in the shade they were not about to move.

One young monkey was really acting up, just a running around, in and out, jumping onto things, and just plain making a monkey’s ass out of himself!

Well he grabbed one of the little black boxes that the AT’s had been working with and sped off——the chase was on.

The Det was on their feet like a competing Tribe of monkeys, and the standoff began, just like the one in 2001 space odyssey.

Sailors on one side waving their tooth brushes and acid brushes in the air, the macaques on the other side screaming, jumping up and down, and bearing their teeth. Both sides just making one hell of a noise.

The sailors started chasing the monkey with the little black box.

The little monkey immediately scrambled up a metal light pole and was perched on the top the light pole a good 40 ft. up from the sailors.

“Now what are we going to do?” the Twidgets were thinking!

The sailors tried throwing things at it, but that was no good. The monkeys were used to rocks being thrown at them and it didn’t seem to bother them any.

One of the sailors ran down the ramp a ways to the “roach coach” and purchased a banana he came running back with it hoping to entice the monkey down with a “snack”. No go, man that little monkey was just absolutely happy sitting on top of that light pole with his new “Bling”.

The Twidgets amassed all their brain power on the little monkey problem searching for a solution.

One old Nose Picker [Mechanic] over by the Plane hollers out, “I got this!”

He goes over to the Aircraft, removes the steel wheel chock, the kind that is adjustable, holds one end up vertically, hits the other end down on the concrete deck making the chock into one giant sledge hammer.

He walks over to the base of the light pole puts the Chock/sledge hammer on his shoulder and takes one giant swing at the light pole. “Twaaaaaaaang” goes the pole.

The little monkey up on top immediately lets go of the black box and grabs hold of the pole hanging on for dear life.

The sailor under him catches the box before it can hit the concrete, the stars and planets line up— and everything returns to normal. It could not have been rehearsed as well as it went down.

Got to hand it to that Old Grease Monkey with the hammer——– he got the job done!

Well I hear my wife a calling, guess I’ll get into my monkey suit and make her happy!

Okie Bob