Covid19 and the Asia Sailor

Covid19 and the Asia Sailor

By Garland Davis

Over the last few days, I have seen a myriad of doctors and politicians on TV and read numerous articles telling us of the precautions we must take to prevent catching the common cold. Of course, they also work for Corona Virus (Covid19) which is, you guessed it, another iteration of the common cold.

I have put together a sensible list of precautions to take to prevent a cold and, of course, Covid19. I guess they are also effective for the first 18 Covids.

1. Avoid contact with others as much as possible. I try to limit it to my wife when she delivers my sammiches to my den and picks up the empties. Lock yourself in the head while wife cleans your den. Recommend that you take a good book. It may take some time for her to cool down,

2. Avoid crowds unless it is absolutely necessary like, you know, when your beer supplies or stock of toilet paper get low.

3. Ensure your wife wears a facemask and medical grade gloves when she is preparing your sammiches. Caution: This may cause some slight grumpiness on her part.

4. If you are not as prepared as me, move a reefer into your den. Make sure everyone knows it is for chilling your beer and should not be contaminated by storing foodstuffs. Caution: If your wife is Japanese you will find Natto, pickles, and pots full of leftovers when you wake up from your naps. The only advice I can give is, “Learn to live with it.”

5. If your home has more than one head, designate one of them for your personal use. If your home only has one head, I recommend contracting for a Port-a-Potty in the yard for the wife and kids to use. If you live in the country just tell them to shit in the woods.

6. Alcohol based hand sanitizers. Don’t believe the marketing hype that sanitizers must be 60% alcohol. Everyone knows that alcohol kills disease thingies (aren’t you impressed by the medical jargon I use) that make you ill. Hangovers are the result of your body attempting to rid itself of thingy corpses. So, drink copious amounts of alcohol based drinks. A good, or whatever you can afford, 100 proof whisky, whiskey (there that should placate all you frustrated spelling bee champions) chased by a 4.5% alcohol beer will keep the disease thingies under control. This method has been tested and perfected by “Mac” McAllister and your esteemed author over many nights of long distance experimentation.

I recommend that you do as I have and designate your den the Moderation Room. That way you won’t be lying when you assure your doctor that you, “Drink in Moderation.”

Don’t believe those on Facebook who tell you that hand sanitizer can be made from vodka. That is just a waste of vodka. The only way it can sanitize your hands is if you clumsily spill it on them.

If you take these few precautions, you may still catch Covid19, but it won’t be your fault and you won’t give a fuck.

Then again don’t do any of this shit. Just live your life as you always have. As a shipmate so succinctly put it, “Don’t stop living to stay alive.”

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4 thoughts on “Covid19 and the Asia Sailor

  1. It’s still winter here. I can’t bring myself to make my family wipe with dry leaves. But spring is right around the corner. Until the trees leaf out they’ll just have to carry commercial striking paper. I have warned them to watch where they step or risk having to leave their shoes outside the door. I love my family!

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  2. Fred Swett says:

    LMAO all over. nice piece of advice hehehee! loved it. I do remember when beer was #uno along with red wine, some good brandy. Been off all that about a year now. but don’t get me wrong, I will still go to the market in the future for brandy and wine, just not Ripple wine. lol All the hype is ridiculous. the Media are FEAR MUNGERS!

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  3. John Corbin says:

    At 74 I am going to follow your list if I can stop laughing. I will substitute the whiskey with Empredor and chase it with SMB, or with a higher alcohol Red Horse. The food the wife preps is so full of garlic and vinegar I am not to worried about catching anything. As far as the toillet paper goes I can`t understand why these air heads are panic buying. The virus has to do with common cold not something that would cause you to need bomb shelter amounts of TP. If you have old newspapers, old phone books, or dried corn cobs use them. Still alive and enjoying the good life in the Philippines.

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  4. Robert W Kinnie says:

    LMAO, I refuse to be a recluse and stay indoors for seven or eight weeks, so no hoarding toilet paper here. I sent my wife to the base exchange because the bourbon supply was running low. I would never use vodka for hand sanitizer, that’s just alcohol abuse. I was an Aviation Machinist Mate. I ate with dirty hands covered with ground in grease and solvents that took off about three years to clean off after I retired, so I a’int dead yet and this crap a’int going to kill me either.

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