by Garland Davis

I was diagnosed with cancer about eight months ago and was slated for a number of CHEMO Therapy treatments. I was given a sheet explaining the different drugs used in CHEMO and listed the side effects (enough to scare the shit out of the strongest person) and the drug interactions for each one.

1. Nausea. Often puke a lot.
2. Loss of appetite (Good chance to lose that fat ass you are packing around.
3. Sometimes your fricken hair falls out, completely or in clumps.
4. On the bright side it gives you a good reason to smoke marijuana.

Being an Asia Sailor in good standing, I was particularly interested in the effects of alcohol consumption, As I read the sheet for each drug, I became more and more perplexed. Each one said that alcohol was permitted in small amounts. My questions were:

1. How much is a “small” amount? In my experience anything below a six pack can not even be considered an “amount.”
2. Are you only permitted one small “amount” or can you have a small “amount” for each medicine?

After agonizing over the problem for awhile, I decided that not drinking during the treatment would probably be best. Once CHEMO was finished, I was scheduled for fifteen radiation treatments. The Radiation Oncologist explained the side effects of the treatments.

1. Torture. Since my cancer was in my neck, they fashioned a mask that covered my face and head and was clamped down so I couldn’t move. (See Photo)
2. Probably lose sense of taste.
3. Recommended increasing calorie increase because could cause rapid weight loss. (A fat boy’s wet dream.)
4. Could rot your teeth. Prescription toothpaste.
5. Could cause loss of hair growth on face and neck. Oh, Boy! Simce I would rather eat a bug that shave, I saw this as a benefit.
6. There were some other things, but Tara, the pretty nurse, came into the room about that time and I don’t remember anything else he said.

I also decided to forego the drinking during radiation treatment.

Now that I have been considered cancer free, I guess I could have a few, but I think I will wait until The Asia Sailor reunion in Branson. Come on May!