“Holy Bat Shitman!”

An event in the continuing saga of BT2

By Garland Davis

BT2 and the widowed Navy Wife (not WestPac widowed) who he was currently rolling around with were off tp the Air Force Commissary. Here he was acting like a fucking brown-bagger. She was a nice girl. He was hoping the ship left for WestPac before she sprang the trap.

BT2 didn’t feel so well this morning. His gut was roiling. She spent a good part of yesterday afternoon and evening teaching cake baking and decorating to a group of neighbor women and one MilkToast Pussy-Whipped husband.

BT2 called up that fucking Stewburner (Me) and invited him for a few Coldies.  Stew showed up with that skinny-assed MM.  The one who dived through the window of a moving 90 Yen taxi outside the Yokosuka Main Gate.

They had a case of cold beer, a fifth of Jack,  a ten-pack of Taco Bell tacos, and a half dozen bean burritos. It would be a miracle if his gut wasn’t fucked up this morning.

When they arrived at the Commissary, his girl said she wanted to run into the BX for a minute and would meet him at the Commissary.

As our valiant BT entered the store his Shit-Light came on, blinking furiously. He spied the Restrooms and as he stared to move toward then he shit all over himself. He scurried into a toiled stall, wiped his ss and cleaned himself up as best he could.

Just outside the toilets was a tank of what BT2 called Cripple Karts. He  figured shitty pants should qualify him. He fired up the cart and started shopping, probably leaving the odor of shitty drawers wherever he went.

He was ready to checkout when his girlfriend caught up with him. As hey were putting their purchases on the counter, she wrinkled he nose and said, “Something smells like dirty diapers!”

BT2 said, “Let’s get the hell out of here, I shit my pants.”

Her, “My God!”

As they departed the store, the PA system announced, “Clean-up crew to the Men’s Restroom, immediately!”

His ex-girlfriend (he figured),shaking her head,  removed at towel from the trunk and spread it over the passenger seat.

They left the base and started home. As they entered the freeway (I’l bet you guessed it), he shit himself again. The liquid shits took the path of least resistance, up his ass crack and half way uphis back with a great gurgling sound.

There was a hint of Taco Bell in the air!

The Ex (He was sure of it now) said, “Go into the back  yard and take off those pants.”

He thought, If anyone is looking out the windows of the two story houses surrounding the yard will see him with nothing on but a t-shirt, dancing around while she hosed him off with the icy water of the garden hose.

She said, “Don’t you dare use my bathroom. Use the shower upstairs.

As he climber the stairs, wearing only a t-shirt that was shot stained half was up the back He was dreading pulling it over his head when he shit all over the stairs…

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3 thoughts on ““Holy Bat Shitman!”

  1. I feel you. I had to be an AD1 when something similar happened to me. I went to my in-laws for a New Years party and got really drunk. The party was over, and it was time to go home. I started to get into my car and farted, but it wasn’t just a fart, I shit my pants, the three-mile ride home was very stinky. About the middle of the ride my wife finally started to smell me and finally asked what that smell was. As soon as we got home I ran upstairs and got out of those crappy drawers,

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  2. tigeroystercirce2044 says:

    Garland I have tried to update my email address, but to no avail. I canceled subscription to old mail AOL. But could not resubscribe to GMAIL. I could only resubscribe to AOL. How can I change it ?

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  3. Cloonan says:

    Poor BT2 didn’t know what hit him. Suffered an incident myself. But was already at the house in Subic when it happened. The shwoere was never the same. Street food of Course!!!

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