First draft of e-mail

To: Archangel Gabriel

From: Directing Angel Prayer Central

Gabriel, I need help. I need at least many more angels to help with the processing of prayers. We are overwhelmed. Since Facebook was created with everyone asking for prayers for their ill and dying relatives and pets, their own illnesses, and for myriad other reasons the volume of prayers has increased a hundredfold.

You wouldn’t believe the prayers coming in. I am getting prayers for Dale Jr to win and for him to crash. For example, two years ago there was a loud clamor from a group of devout ladies in Branson, Missouri praying for some fellow named Neal. Those prayers went on for days. I still get one or two on occasion.

More and more by the time we review a prayer it has become too late to help. And that is just bad PR. Gabe.

Tell the boss that to be timelier on answering prayers, I need at least a thousand more angels to process the backlog and to keep up with the increased volume.

You need to FastTrack this Gabe. Anxiously awaiting your reply.

“In the Navy, Sir!”

By Steve Parmarter

Sorry, this is so long!!! I entered military service on my 17th B-Day, the United States Navy. I have to say that when I went aboard my first ship, USS ROARK DE-1053 I was a young, know it all kid who didn’t know how/when to shut up and listen. Well, we had some really GREAT Petty Officers on that “boat” and even though I didn’t realize it at the time, the things they taught to me and the things I learned under their auspices helped to shape my character and my life.

I learned to do a job to the best of my ability, to finish what I had started, not to complain about whatever task was set for me to do, and maybe most importantly to respect those in authority over me, and to respect myself.

SM-2 John Gordon and SM-3 Ron Reis took a skinny know-it-all kid and made something out of him. They did it by their example, by their patience, and even their impatience at times! It may have seemed BS at the time, but a relentless pursuit of study and OJT turned me into someone proficient at his job. My Bible was ATP 1 ALPHA-VOL 2, I had my nose in that pub so much I practically knew it by heart.

OF several Seaman Apprentice’s assigned to the Signal Bridge I was the one chosen to go to “A” school, and I became a Designated Stryker. I went from a SA to SMSN to a SM-3 in less than one year under their guidance…although I didn’t know it at the time, my transfer from Roark to Henry B. Wilson was due to my advancement in rate to Petty Officer. I was still only 17 when I took the test.

I had missed graduating with my HS class because my family moved. Had we not, I would have been a graduating senior at 16, my B-Day coming two weeks later on June 17, 1969. I had no clue how to finish the credits I needed, it was my Petty Officers that made the inquiry and arranged for me to take the test required for a High School Diploma for Pennsylvania.

I was transferred to duty in Viet Nam after only two months on the Wilson because I had applied for duty there prior to leaving the Roark. I recall Ron Reis asking me why I would do something so stupid as it might get me killed, and he told me this; “P, the graveyards are full of dead heroes”…little did he know at the time that he and John Gordon were heroes, MY heroes. How many of you guys remember Ron Reis getting several medals for his service in Viet Nam at the commissioning ceremony for Roark?

I went on to make PO-2 at 19. After going home I enlisted in the Navy Reserve and picked up that crow, and went on to be promotable as a SM-1 at 20 years of age.. I refused the promotion because I opted to get out of the Navy.

When the First Gulf War broke out I went into the Army on a 1 year enlistment, followed by another just like it and then one for 6 years. I’v had some try to call me out on that but it was true, and I went in as a Sgt.E-5. After 17 years and crossing branches too. While I enjoyed my Army service it never quite appealed to me the way the Navy had. Even so I was a NCOIC for Head Quarters Company, or HHB and the Recon Sgt. This was due to my training and service in Viet Nam.

I bet they never would have thought it at the time, but that young kid that John Gordon and Ron Reis took under their wing went on to serve and to train soldiers in the same manner they had done with me…by example and by attention to duty and to detail. Every time I was asked where/how I had learned certain things, I would always reply with “In the Navy Sir, in the Navy”.

They say that a military is only as successful as the Non-Coms who run it and it is true. It was true years ago, just as it is now. And the things I learned from those two Petty Officers have served me well all of my life, and there is nothing that I could EVER say that would do justice to their efforts.

In closing, (finally hey) I would like to say this: Aboard the USS ROARK we had some AWESOME CPO’s and PO’s, it shows just by the sheer number of SA/FA that reported aboard and with in one year were Petty Officers! That didn’t just happen, it took a LOT of training, and good example to make it so. For what ever it’s worth, I want to say, as a 65-year-old man, who was once a Petty Officer in the United States Navy and a Sgt. in the United States Army, from a raw kid to a respected NCO THANK YOU, SM-2 John Gordon, and SM-3 Ron Reis…the things you taught a young SA in the Navy were still worthwhile to a SGT. in the Army, teaching young soldiers the same work/personal/moral ethics you taught to him all of those years ago.

Navy Veteran

‘THE OLD MAN AND THE SAILOR’

by Robert L. Harrison .

July 22, 1997 . Greenfield, Indiana

He was old and worn and a bit forlorn as he ambled through the park,

He spoke to me and I could see that his eyes had lost their spark.

His gait was slow and his voice was low as he asked to sit with me,

And I answered him with a friendly grin, The sittin’ here is free.

He gave a smile and we talked a while and his voice was rather weak,

But his mind was strong and it wasn’t long til he began to speak

Of yesteryears and I saw the tears as the mem’ries flooded through

For he spoke of times and other climes as old men often do.

He smiled at me and I could see as he glanced at my Navy blues

That he’d earned his keep on the briny deep and paid his share of dues.

I asked if he would share with me some mem’ries from his career,

He said he might if the price was right, and the price was a can of beer!

I’ve shipped on subs and oily tubs, on battleships and cruisers,

Ten thousand mates and I can state not one of them was losers.

LST’s on foreign seas, from Tarawa to Leyte,

You name it, lad, I’ve been there, from Alaska down to Haiti.

Liberty ships of paper clips, balsa wood and glue,

I saw one break apart one time and lose her gallant crew.

Marine Corps I took ashore on Tarawa and Truk.

Oh what the Hell, for quite a spell, I’ve had my share of luck.

One thing more, he said, before I move along,

There ain’t no air that’s quite as fair as the pipe of the boatswain’s song.

And the place to be is on the sea riding a fair sea swell,

With mates like you in Navy blue who’ll follow you straight through Hell.

So here’s to you and your Navy crew who take our ships to sea,

You’ve fought and died and never cried throughout our history.

You’re heroes all and ten feet tall and your spirits never lag,

You’re the nation’s best and you never rest in defense of our country’s flag!

He rose to leave and I believe that he seemed to move much faster,

His eyes agleam like a laser beam and his skin was alabaster,

He glowed at first then soon dispersed in a cloud of misty cotton,

A dream at most, perhaps a ghost, but not to be forgotten…

Wright Brothers Day

U.S. President Donald Trump on Saturday declared December 17 as ‘Wright Brothers Day’ to mark the 114th anniversary of the first airplane flight by Orville and Wilbur Wright.

It was on December 17, 1903, that a handcrafted biplane lifted off the soft sand of a windswept beach in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, ushering in the age of aviation.

“The flight lasted a mere 12 seconds, and covered only 120 feet, but it changed the course of history,” Mr. Trump said in his proclamation.

“On Wright Brothers Day, we honour the two American pioneers from Dayton, Ohio, who first achieved powered flight, one of the most remarkable triumphs of the 20th century,” he said.

First flight, Kitty Hawk, North Carolina

USS Langley CV-1

USS Ranger CV-4

USS Ranger CV-61

USS Midway CV 41

USS Enterprise CVN-65

Running

By Garland Davis

I started running in 1976. I wasn’t interested in races or fast times at the beginning. The most running I had done before then was around the bases of a baseball diamond. The Navy had decided that I should, at thirty-two years of age, run a mile and a half in thirteen minutes. I barely made it. Thought I was going to die.

I thought that if I ran each day the annual PT test would be easier. From my house in the Catlin Park Navy housing across from the Honolulu Airport around the Navy Marine Golf Course through Officer Housing and back to my house was three miles. For most of three years I ran it at least once a day. For a couple of months when I was shanghaied to operate the Flag Mess for Third Fleet on Ford Island, I ran about the same distance around the island.

Didn’t have any further problems with running the annual PT.

In early 1977, I decided to attempt the Honolulu Marathon in December. I upped my distance to ten miles a day. I subscribed to the theory that if you could run ten miles every day then you should be able to run twenty-six miles one day.

I finished the ’77 Marathon in three hours fifty-nine minutes. I did ’78 in four hours and twelve minutes.

In ’79 I was transferred to an FF out of Yokosuka. Inport I ran around the housing area. At sea I ran around the Mack or around the flight deck. In’81 when I went to Midway there were few opportunities to run. The flight deck was used for aircraft and the hangar deck was congested. I sometimes worked out with the Marine Detachment, but, I am here to tell you, those dudes are Gung Ho! In ’84 on to another FF and back to running around the Mack. Later running on the Cruiser was much easier, eight times around the deck was a mile.

In ’87 back to Pearl Harbor and a twilight tour, I went back to running three to five miles a day. There is an annual eight-mile event, the Great Aloha run. I did it for sixteen years. Before the H-3 freeway was opened there was a run there. I don’t remember how far it was but a group of us did it hungover. A memorable run. Navy MWR conducts a run across the Ford Island Bridge, around the island and back across the bridge. About six miles. I ran that the first seven years.

BTW, the last time I ran PT, at age forty-six, I finished in twelve minutes.

’89 High Year Tenure caught up with me and I retired from the Navy and went to work for a living. I ran sporadically but stayed in condition to do the Aloha and Bridge runs. I ran a couple half marathons during those years after retirement.

I walked a half mile this morning in twenty-five minutes. Someday I expect I’ll try it with a walker, but I’ll hold that off if possible. A walker has never been on my bucket list. But then, neither was this fucking cane.

A Snipes ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’

By John Petersen

On the first day of Christmas, the CHENG he gave to me (while sitting with all the other new arrivals in the mess decks),

The order to the Pit you will be!

On the second day of Christmas, my new LPO gave to me,

Directions to the bilge young swabee!

On the third day of Christmas, my Chief he gave to me,

Orders to the mess decks, for cranking is required! (it doesn’t rhyme..write me up..)

On the fourth day of Christmas, that pencil sharp E5 gave to me,

A bucket of water/citric acid and a swab(ee).

On the fifth day of Christmas, the upper level dude gave to me,

Five, golden crows feet…..

On the sixth day of Christmas, T’was a break we were given,

Six San Miguels and a warm little LBFM to shake off the shivers (m) ?

On the seventh day of Christmas, my LPO gave to me,

One full tin of Never-Dull and a fistfull of rags to make things shin-eeey

On the eighth day of Christmas, to my LPO I gave,

A detailed drawing of the main engine, with all 29 bearings and the complete lube oil route, HP and LP steam intake and condensation course, SSTG operational parameters, EVAP line drawings including the Ameroil addition specs, HP and LP drain system, firemain, fresh water lines, etc. (Again, doesn’t rhyme, but what the…)

On the ninth day of Christmas, the LCPO gave to me, (happily),

The responsibility of the plant to run as I see…

On the tenth day of Christmas, to my troops I gave to thee,

Relief from the Chief’s arbitrary melee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my snipes they gave to me,

High fives all around and shiny new coffee cup (ee, again)

On the twelfth day of Christmas, to my Snipes I freely give,

All my wishes for you and yours, for this time of year belongs to you and yours for which you live.

God Bless

The Destroyer

Chief Makes a Speech

By Garland Davis

“First of all, I would like to thank Hardass, I mean Captain Stewart. I know, I know I’ll try not to do that again. But it’s hard to call someone Captain when you wiped their nose and kept them out of the shit when they were a boot Ensign. Anyway, thanks for permitting me to speak for the CPO Mess at this Ship’s Party saying farewell to Hardass—Captain Stewart.

Oops, almost spilled my beer. Hard trying to stand up and juggle a mug of beer and a microphone at the same time. I was told to keep it light. You know funny stories.

‘After all,’ Suck-up, er, the XO said to me, ‘You have known Hardass, oops, there I go again, longer than anyone in the crew.’

I always thought it was pretty funny when Hardass—Captain—Stewart—busted the Third-Class Laundryman for hanky-panky in the fan room with an LBFM one of the Snipes, who passed out in the mess decks, brought aboard and the newly minted SHSN retaliated by pressing bleach dust into the crotch of Hardass’s—the Captain’s—skivvies. Doc said it was the worst case of crotch rot he had ever seen.

Where’s the waiter? I need a refill on my beer. That’s it; let’s hear some applause for old Hard—er- Captain Stewart.

Talking like this is especially hard for me, especially with this microphone in one hand and this empty mug—HEY WAITER, didn’t you hear me say that this mug is EMPTY? — Now, where was I? Oh Yeah, funny stories.

There was the time the Commodore was expected for a visit. Hardass – there I go again, the Captain— dressed in whites, walked out on the starboard wing of the bridge to look down the pier. The QM’s had just painted the deck. QMSN was in the chart house making Wet Paint ON Deck signs. Hardass—excuse me—slipped and busted his Hardass on the wet paint. His whites had a deck gray ass. I have always gotten a chuckle telling that story.

Waiter, this glass must have a hole in it, the son-of-a-bitch is empty again. Tell you what, don’t pay any attention to these other people, just keep bringing me fresh beers. All this talking is making me as dry as a popcorn fart.

What’s that Master Chief, you can’t hear? Well move your deaf ass a little closer to the podium.

Watta ya mean, XO? NO, I ain’t finished yet, you can’t have the microphone. Waiter bring me a shot of Jack along with the next beer, wait make that a shot of Jack and two beers.

Oops.

Sorry for banging the microphone. I lost my balance. You know it is really hard to hold the microphone in one hand without spilling the beer in the other. Now that I just spilled one, it’s time for a refill to get me going again. Good man waiter, you’re right on time. Thanks that’s good. I do believe this cheap beer swallows better than all that Craft beer crap.

Oops. Sorry about that Mrs. Hardass—I mean Mrs. Stewart. You know, it’s a good thing you didn’t come to Hong Kong this cruise. You would have really been pissed off at the antics of your husband.

Now XO –I mean Suck-up—you asked me to speak so just sit down and quit trying to steal the microphone. Waiter, my glass is empty. You’re slacking off, boy.

Oh, you’re sending a waitress this time. Hi Sweetheart. Thank you and bless your Mama for making you so pretty. Just between you and me, steer clear of old Hardass there. In Hong Kong he made a Chinese bar girl jump four feet when he ran his hand up her dress. Be careful.

Back to Captain Hardass. He took his golf clubs to Westpac. The only reason they weren’t covered with dust when we got back to the States was because the Steward kept them dusted. The only holes he played in Wespac were surrounded by hair or lipstick.

Where’s Mrs. Hardass going in such a hurry. Hey Captain, let her go. She’ll get over whatever is bothering her.

Okay Suck-up, you can have the microphone. Old Hardass is gone. The way he rushed out of here, he must have had to piss really bad. Matter a fact, me too. I can drink a lotta beer before I have to go but then I might as well move my table into the head. Old Merrill at the Subic CPO Club got kinda pissed when I did it there.

What, they are out of beer. Well that is all I have to say. I’m going to un-ass this place and go where they have beer. Hey sweet thang, Suck-up just closed the bar and said the party’s over. So, you don’t have to do any more waitressing. You want to go with me?”

Day of Infamy

President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s address to a joint session of Congress on December 8, 1941.

“Mr. Vice President, Mr. Speaker, Members of the Senate, and of the House of Representatives:

Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 — a date which will live in infamy — the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its government and its emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific.

Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in the American island of Oahu, the Japanese ambassador to the United States and his colleague delivered to our Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. And while this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.1

It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Japanese government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.

The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.

Yesterday, the Japanese government also launched an attack against Malaya.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked Guam.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands.

Last night, the Japanese attacked Wake Island.

And this morning, the Japanese attacked Midway Island.

Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.

As Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.

I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.

Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger.

With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph — so help us God.

I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7th, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese empire.”

“I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and filled him with a terrible resolve.” — Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto. Commander in Chief of the Imperial Japanese Combined Fleet