Leading Seaman ‘Boy Howdy’

By Garland Davis

Life was different in the Asia Fleet. It alternated between bad and worse with a little good thrown in to make it palatable. That being said, we didn’t want to be anywhere else. Bug juice and sea stores smokes. Mid-rats made from recipes developed and tested in numerous hobo jungles during the depression. Applying the wisdom and advice of tattoo covered, cigar smoking, gut heavy Chief Petty Officers who never learned that the 14th Amendment freed slaves.

The good came in the oriental paradises of Olongapo, Kaohsiung, Keelung, Singapore, Pattaya, Sasebo, Hong Kong, and Yokosuka. The cold beer and the warm bodies of the girls healed our hearts and gave us the fortitude to go do it again.

I have decided to write a book about it. Most Navy books are written by officers and tell the stories of gallant officers and ships that wouldn’t die. They tell of the heroics of valiant aviators defeating enemy aircraft with inferior machines and brave Submarine Commanders who torpedo Hirohito’s palace. Then there are always the heart-wrenching separations from Nurse Lieutenant Becky who waits chastely and loyally for her heroic officer to return from what everyone has termed a suicide mission.

Our girls almost waited until “Underway, Shift Colors” was passed. It isn’t like she was the only girl on the street. When your ship returned, she would tell you, sadly, “I am steady with Cook from Okie Boat. I didn’t know you come back so soon. But I have a cute cousin who would love to meet you.” And it was all good.

You never see books about “Boy “Howdy” Jenkins and the Skanks of Magsaysay. Boy was from Alabama or Arkansas, you know, one of those states where they only use the vowel “A.” His Mama failed to name him, so the county clerk wrote Boy Jenkins on his birth certificate. ‘Howdy’ just seemed like the perfect nickname. Boy Howdy, Scullery Maid Extraordinaire, or perhaps, Boy Howdy, Geedunk Truck Commando, or Boy Howdy, the Guinea Pig the Navy Used to Prove That Penicillin Can Cure Almost Everything.

My book, “The Boy Howdy Primer on Fucking Off” will be on Amazon next year to be followed by “Boy Howdy’s Guide to the Bras (that is supposed to be Bars, but this typo works as well) and Prostitutes of Asia.” I envision a series of Boy Howdy books. I tell you, He got into enough shit to keep me writing for years.

Boy Howdy’s sole ambition was to rise to the lofty position of Leading Seaman of First Division. He felt that life was simpler as a non-rate. If you could steal some sex-book literature, eat “pigmy peters”, AKA Vienna Sausage, purloined spam and mayonnaise sandwiches and like them, knew some girls on the beach who would shuck their skivvies, beer money, and maybe win an anchor pool, life was something like paradise.

But it wasn’t always roses for Boy. Once a Chihuahua whipped his ass. Boy had a Japanese girlfriend who owned a Chihuahua. The dog resented Boy stealing the love from his Mommy that he considered his. The dog was barking at him and Boy got down on all fours and growled at the dog. Anyone who has ever had one of the little bug-eyed assholes will tell you that they have no conception of their actual size. They are ready and willing to take on a grizzly bear. Boy came aboard with about fifteen band-aids on his face and hands.

Boy’s ship was in Subic for an extended availability. To save on the nightly bar fines and breaking in a new girl each night, he steadied up with a chick he met at the EM Club on base. He arrived at her place after a duty night to have her tell him that it was ‘that time of the month.’ She quickly informed him that she didn’t go for other than normal sex. She also told him that she had arranged for her cousin to take care of his needs for a few days. Boy was amenable to this arrangement and enjoyed himself immensely. When his steady was healthy again and the cousin was preparing to move out, Boy brought up the idea of all three of them rolling around together. Those two girls beat the hell out of his perverted ass. Boy sported a couple of back eyes and a swollen nose for a few days.

I’ll have to give this more thought. I’ll keep you apprised of the progress of the Boy Howdy story.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Boy Howdy did not really exist. The events I tell about here really happened, just not to one individual. Boy is just a fig newton of my imagination. ENDNOTE