As told by Cort Willoughby
Written and Edited by Garland Davis
Lord Dave and I were flying to Korea. We had taken the train from Sasebo to the airport. Having some time to wait before our flight, we were in the second floor Coffee Shop when I was hit by a blazing shit pain. If I didn’t get to a Thunder Mug forthwith, I was going to mess up a brand-new pair of skivs and lay a green funk of stink all over the place.
I ran down the steps and into the head. I slammed into the stall and realized that there was to wiping gear available! I’m out of there in a dash. I saw a dispenser which showed that 80 yen would solve my problem. Digging through my pockets, I realized that I didn’t have fucking’ 80 yen.
Willy was eyeballin’ my frantic efforts to get some shit paper. I pantomime counting coins. He nods OK. I tear ass up to the coffee shop to get 80 yen.
While I have been trying frantically to get coins, so I could get the resources to do the paperwork, I had drawn quite a cheering section in front of the head. I zap up, grab the 80 yen and rip ass back to the vending machine. We should have sold tickets, by now I have quite a crowd. Lot’s of tut-tutting and sucking of teeth as they watched my antics trying to get some ass wipe.
I inserted the 80 yen, turned the handle, and all most shit right there. I was now the proud owner of a brand-new tampon. My cheering section was falling out with laughter while I am on the very edge of “dragging mud” right there.
I sent a panicked, imploring eyeball to Willy and his Marie Leveau mind reading talents kicked in. He met me halfway down the stairs with the contents three napkin holders. I now had enough to complete the immediate paperwork and to write the after action report.
Sweat flying but in a very relaxed mode, this old Bos’n eased out to a standing ovation from all my impromptu admirers.