Might as Well Go Back to Ohio
Told by Cort Willoughby to Garland Davis who rewrote and embellished
Officer Cort Willoughby was standing a turn on Index Hill, West Liberty, Kentucky next to the State Prison. West Liberty was around the hill. The road Cort was monitoring was the best route to the west side. It was a lonely boring 0200 until his Radar unit went snake shit!
Some dude zippin’ right along in a 45MPH speed zone. The malefactor was hitting 79, moving right smartly. Now Kentucky law says that moving more than 20 over the limit is an arrestable Reckless Driving offense. Cort hit the blue lights and the dude pulls over. After doing the License, Registration, and Proof of Insurance dance Cort strokes the dude with a ticket.
Cort noted that the dude was from Ohio, which was another good reason to fit him with a set of bracelets. Cort didn’t mind the paperwork of an arrest but seldom hooked one up for a speed offense unless there were other more serious mitigating factors.
Cort presents the dude with the ticket and explains his options. The guy looks at the citation, Cort’s unit number and the name of the citing officer. He looks at Cort’s name tag and asks, “Damn, how many Willoughby’s are there around here who are cops?”
“Why,” Cort asks.
He pulls out a citation from Kentucky State Police, unit 790. Kevin Willoughby, Cort’s son, had stroked him about 25 minutes earlier.
“Where are you going?” Cort asked
“Salyersville.” the dude says.
Just to spin him up, bullshitting, of course, Cort says, “You haven’t learned yet, My brother is High Sheriff of that county, My cousin is the Chief of Police in the town and my Pop, a retired State Police Captain, is the Justice of the Peace.”
The dude said, “Damn, I might as well just turn around and go back to Ohio. Willoughby’s everywhere with a fuckin’ badge.”