By Garland Davis
Prepare a Holiday Kit for Your Asia Sailor:
Your sailor will depend on you even more during the high-volume party season of Christmas and the New Year’s celebrations.
The first step in preparing the kit should be to clear out a room, garage or shed to hold all the important items that will be required. An air-conditioned space containing at least one, but two or three refrigerators would be optimal.
This very important room should be stocked with:
Enough cases of beer to provide the sailor and many of his shipmates for at least a fourteen-day period. San Miguel is the preferred brand, but don’t get too concerned. They will drink any beer if it is not non-alcoholic beer.
At least five bottles of each of the following.
Jack Daniels Old Number Seven
Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum
Four boxes of Franzia cheap red wine in case Neal Hightower shows up.
If any unappreciative Son of a Bitch wants something different, Fuck ‘em. They can bring their own.
Many cases of various soft drinks (heavy on the Diet Dr. Pepper) for the morning after dry mouth.
Two Keurig coffee makers with double strength pods so your sailor and friends can return to the optimum condition in a short time after drinking a few cold soft drinks.
Sufficient coolers and ice to keep copious amounts of potables chilled.
Direct telephone lines to Pizza Hut, Papa John’s and Domino’s Pizza.
At least an 80-inch screen HDTV with subscriptions to all sporting and pornography channels.
Blue Ray player and CDs of San Pebbles, Cinderella Liberty, Last Detail, The Enemy Below, In Harm’sWay, Midway and other Navy movies.
A clear path to the head to preclude Garland busting his ass falling.
Enough Qual cards so Asia Sailors can use the holiday’s celebrations to get quals signed off for Branson.
Have sufficient funds and a responsible person with a car to make emergency trips to correct any shortfalls in supplies.
MERRY CHRISTMAS and A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
PS: A most appropriate gift for your Asia Sailor is an all expenses paid week-long trip to attend the Asia Sailor Westpc’rs Reunion in Branson!