Sh!t Holes

Sh!t Holes

DURING MY NAVY DAYS, I HAVE BEEN TO A FEW SHITHOLES. ONES THAT COME TO MIND ARE COLUMBO SRI LANKA, MOMABASA, KENYA, AND KARACHI, PAKISTAN. I have to also include Norfolk Va because it is always known to us Navy guys as “shitcity ” for the way they treat the Navy.

How to tell if your ship might be pulling in to a “Shit Hole”:

1. If Doc tells you to update your Gamma Globulin, Yellow Fever, Malaria, Plague, Dysentery, Tetanus, Cholera and other fun immunizations- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

2. If the Chief tells you not to waste your time bringing a radio, cell phone, or any other electronics, as there is no electricity and there are no signals- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

3. If Disbursing tells you the Per Diem rate for the Shore Patrol Beach Det is only $8.00/day, for everything- You might pulling in to a Shit Hole.

4. If the “Area Cultural” briefing is only 30 minutes long, but the briefing on communicable diseases is 3 hours long- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

5. If the “Area Cultural” briefing includes facts that some leaders in the host country keep young boys as sexual slaves- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

6. If the “Area Cultural” briefing includes facts that male members of that society have multiple wives, but also engage in sexual activity with barnyard animals- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

7. If the “Medical Briefing” includes recommendations not to walk barefoot, drink the local water, go near any of the native women, or eat ANY food on the local economy- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

8. If the “Medical Briefing” includes information that the roadside ditches not only serve as flood control but also as a common latrine- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

9. If the Shore Patrol Daily Report for your new port includes an area for “Number of Personnel Med-Evac’ed” from the port for unknown diseases- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

10. If the monetary exchange rate is greater than 100 to 1 for local currency to US Dollars- You might be pulling in to a Shit Hole.

11.If you can smell it from outside the twelve-mile limit when arriving, you might be pulling into a Shit Hole.

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