Advice for an Asia Sailor’s Girl

By Garland Davis with content stolen from Cort Willoughby

I have been asked by many young ladies how to tell if an Asia Sailor is serious about a relationship. The following actions by your Asia Sailor are indicative of his deep feelings for you and whether he is a possible candidate for marriage.

1. He helps you carry the ten cases of beer he asked you to buy for the weekend and only insists that you pay for half of it.
2. He isn’t bashful about hawking up a loogie and launching it to windward out the window of your car causing it to splatter all over the rear passenger window.
3. He isn’t bashful about scratching his nuts and adjusting them to a more comfortable position.
4. He commonly responds with “What the Fuck” when presented with a problem, such as, loss of the bottle opener.
5. He refuses to buy vehicle air fresheners to cover up the odor of the fart blown seat covers in his vintage gray Dodge Ram with the ‘Running Rust’ paint job.
6. He asks if you shoot pool and then attempts to involve you in a game he invented called ‘Strip Pool.’
7. He is not stingy about offering you a dip of his Copenhagen.
8. When you have to pee on a road trip, he is considerate of your privacy and pulls over near a copse of bushes so you can piss secure that no one is watching.
9. He involves you in a philosophical discussion regarding the merits of Fellatio and Cunnilingus.
10. He quickly overcomes the taboo of farting in your presence and no longer closes the bathroom door when taking a shit at your apartment.
11. When he farts in bed and pulls the covers over your head, stand by for a proposal and a ring!

These are all indications that your Asia Sailor is a keeper. Always keep in mind that as an Asia Sailor he is a Pubic Servant.