CUPS and CAPS

By Cort Willoughby

Edited by Garland

Like most young North American Blue Jackets I was totally fascinated at my arrival in Japan and Asia. This fascination did not end with just one trip. I am constantly being force-fed an IV of memories of the times i was there. As I transitioned from a very meager childhood, a new world opened and I embraced and wrapped myself in this new world in abject fascination.

A very small meaningless act became an indelible memory, never to be forgotten. I bought a coffee cup in Sasebo. Snoopy, a cool dude, laid out, flat on his back, on top of his house. Snoopy on my coffee cup with the exclamation, “ FUCK IT! JUST FUCK IT!” Hell Yes, I bought it and bought into that cool puppy’s sentiments,

On the bridge, at sea, one afternoon, after having earlier finished a cup of good Navy Kick Ass coffee, I decided another was in order. I searched all over the bridge for Snoopy. Finally, I asked, “Ok, who is the asshole fucking with my coffee cup?”

One LTJG Eels says, “I threw it over the side, I’ll not have pornography on the bridge while I am the OOD,”

I Thought, “YOU SORRY COCKSUCKER, IT’S ON!”

It is interesting and fitting that we pulled into Sasebo again as I was looking for a way to get even, NO hell NO! I was going to get ahead. We died up in India Basin portside to. I was straightening up the chart table when, HOLY SHIT MOMMA RUE, whose fucking combination cap is this? See, the one left under my chart table.

Oh, Hell Yes! Too Damn Good! Name tag says LTJG Eels. My Oh My Me Eels. Did you leave your shitpot hat under my chart table? I’ll never tolerate in my Pilot House is for any Piece of Shit to leave personal property on My bridge under My chart table. This major infraction will be addressed immediately. Starboard bridge wing, here I come..

After briefly admonishing the combination hat for violating my cardinal rule of cluttering my chart table, I gave it the only fitting punishment possible. I gave it a sail test. In other words, see how far it will sail when I flung it off the starboard wing into India basin. Oh Joy! A perfect landing.

Just as it went plop into the water of the basin, guess who joined me on the starboard wing? Right, LTJG Eels.

“Petty Officer Willoughby have you seen my combination cover/” His eyes pop out as the combination cap afloat in India basin goes “Glug” as it takes its dive. He turns gray! His eyes widen as he witnesses the final seconds of his cap.

“Fuck you,” I say. “Some people lose cups, some combination covers!”

Sorry Bastard knew he had lost the war. Short of sending divers to recover a worthless water soaked piece of crap, he would have to dig deep to buy a new hat.

The cup was much cheaper to replace than that high dollar cover…

I WOULD DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT.

DGUTS BOSN